Ass Wipe

Mentally handicapped patient to Diabetty:

MH: Are you gonna do a ass wipe of my 'ed?

Diabetty: No, we're going to do an x-ray of your chest.

Dear Patient

Dear Patient,

I know we don't all have the same personal space requirements.
If, however, I can tell that you started out your day with a pot of coffee and half a pack of Marlboros YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO ME!!
Please get out of my face.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Me

P.S. Your chin pores need cleaning out.

Suck In

Reasons for holding my breath, while pushing a patient's wheelchair:

• vomit and nicotine
• greasy old man hair
• greasy old woman hair
• old woman butt crack
• rotting cast skin
• week old urine
• diarrhea
• full and leaking ostomy bag
• smoker's stench
• infected bed sores
• full diaper
• cow poop on shoes -came in from the barn stink
• drunk yesterday-tequila leaking out pores stink
• mouth breather with rotten tooth stumps
• football/hockey player locker room stench